The Ordeal of Auditioning

“I have the strength to overcome what?” I asked.

“Whatever challenge your journey offers you,” said Iman. “Each of you has it. You’re just not all aware of it. However, by going into your Inmost Cave and realizing the strength within you, you prepare yourself for facing whatever challenges come from without.”

“Would you like us to show you?” asked Yewell.

“I suppose it couldn’t be worse than the Inmost Cave.”

“That’s exactly the point,” said Iman. “Remember her?” he said, pointing toward the theatre.

I looked and saw the girl they called Angeline standing in front of the theatre, just staring at the french doors that led inside.  It seemed like only moments before that she had walked by, barely giving it a second look. Now, there she stood, a single sheet of paper in her hands and her eyes affixed on the doors.

“She’s been to her Inmost Cave as well,” explained Yewell.

“That fast?” I asked.

“It’s been longer than you think,” said Iman. “Let’s have a closer look.”

In an instant, we were standing right behind her. I barely even remember it happening, but it was as if a tunnel formed between us and I was sucked through the vacuum to appear mere inches behind her. I felt a bit intrusive being so close and considered coughing to let her know of my presence.

“She can’t hear you,” said Yewell.

“What’s she doing?”

“Find out for yourself,” he said, giving me a slight shove.

I fell forward and though I thought I would knock her over, I merged into her, like I was pushed into a warm, five and a half foot tall Jell-o mold. Just like before, I seemed to absorb her consciousness. I saw what she saw, heard what she heard, felt what she felt, and instantly had an incredible desire to take a pee.

She stared at the doors for a moment more, and possibly due to my insistence, she stepped forward, reached for the door, and went inside. There were a number of other people lined up at a collapsible table. We stood in line and when we reached the front, we handed in what I finally discovered to be a headshot and awaited instruction.

“Do you have a resume?” the woman behind the table asked, flipping the photo over to see the blank backside.

Angeline shook her head but said nothing.

“We’ll call you when we’re ready for you,” the woman said.

We joined the other potential actors milling around the lobby as they rehearsed their audition pieces, many of them trying to be indiscreet by going over the monologues in their minds but moving their lips so that they looked like they were schizophrenic pantomimes. I sensed a slight relief in Angeline at the sight, but it didn’t last long as nerves quickly overtook her once again.

The wait was excruciating. She considered going outside to smoke a cigarette, but didn’t want to miss her turn if her name was called, which only added to her anxiety. Though I had no control of the body I was somehow inhabiting, I tried to look around for the aliens, but saw no sign of them. I hoped that my own anxiety wasn’t adding to hers so I tried to calm myself in hopes of calming her. A half hour or so later, we heard Angeline’s name called.

The theatre was dimly lit, but the stage was incredibly bright. Before we reached it, on the long walk through the assorted tables, we noticed three people sitting at one of them, poring over a number of headshots and holding up Angeline’s as she finally stepped up to the stage. If the stage lights seemed bright from the theatre, they were downright blazing on the actually stage. With the combination of nerves and the heat from the lights, I thought Angeline would melt, leaving me alone on the stage covered in molten Jell-o resin.

Photo by Ryan Ellis

“What are you going to do for us?” one of the voices said from the darkness.

Angeline stated the name of her monologue, and as much as I wanted to help her through it, the title was completely foreign to me.

“Whenever you’re ready,” the voice said.

Angeline took a deep breath, and I suddenly understood what Iman and Yewell meant by the Supreme Ordeal. Here was this girl. Only a short while ago, she wasn’t even considering the idea of becoming an actress. Yet by whatever journey she had been on, the hands of fate had brought her to this stage, under these lights, in front of these people, to perform for the very first time. She closed her eyes, breathed in as Angeline and breathed out as an entirely different character.

For the sixty seconds that she performed, it was as if the people in the darkness no longer existed. She was in the zone. Whatever anxiety had plagued her up until that point drifted completely away and Angeline became the character. She spoke, she swooned, she wept, she laughed, she even screamed once, covering an incredible range of emotions. When she finished, I felt like clapping for her, yet all she got from the voice in the darkness was an emotionless “Thank you.”

Angeline walked out of the theatre in a daze. The sunlight greeted us, and though we didn’t know if the audition had landed us the part, there was an incredible sense of relief at having faced the challenge and made it through without collapsing. She started down the sidewalk, pulling away from me as I felt two hands grip my arms. I looked to see the aliens holding me back as Angeline walked off without me.

“How did it go?” Iman said.

“I think she nailed it. Did she get the part?”

Yewell shrugged. “We’ve got a few more ordeals to face before we get to that.”