The Shift to Interdependence
“How do I go from independence to interdependence?” I asked Iman.
The tall alien looked at me and shrugged. “You don’t.”
“What do you mean I don’t? I though you said the two ‘big picture’ habits were to be independent then to be interdependent.”
“No,” he corrected, “we said they are to be independent and interdependent. You don’t stop being independent as you become interdependent. That will just make you dependent again.”
“Whatever,” I argued. “You got me on a matter of semantics.”
“Semantics are important if you’re going to write the world,” added Yewell. “Don’t forget how powerful words can be.”
“For many people, words mean everything,” said Iman.
“Some people need to lighten up,” I chided.
Iman shook his bald head. “You are really not starting off this whole interdependent thing on the right foot.”
“Sorry. Something about an Estralarian mind meld makes me a little edgy.”
“What did Dr. Covey write about the Emotional Bank Account?” asked Iman.
“I don’t remember,” I shrugged.
“I thought you read the book,” Yewell said.
“That was years ago. I don’t remember everything about it.”
“Uh huh,” he leaned back in his imaginary chair. “How are those book sales going?”
“Not very effective,” I said with chagrin.
“Why do you think that is?” he mused.
“Oh, it probably has something to do with me being an insensitive bore,” I chided.
“Don’t’ be so hard on yourself,” Iman consoled. “You’re not a bore.”
“Not at all,” agreed Yewell. “You’re a laugh a minute.”
“Glad I could oblige.”
“Well, now you’re on the right track,” said Iman.
“What track is that?”
“Adding to your Emotional Bank Account.”
“How do you figure?”
“By obliging our desire to laugh at you,” said Yewell.
“I don’t think I remember reading that in the book.”
“He’s paraphrasing,” Iman explained. “Part of adding to your Emotional Bank Account is attending to the little things.”
“And my being a buffoon is attending to the little things?”
“We have simple needs,” said Yewell.
“It’s really about doing those little things for people that let them know you care,” added Iman.
“Oh,” I said. “Well again, I’m glad I could oblige. Anything else I can do?”
“Not right now, but you’re still going in the right direction.”
“Yeah?”
“Yup. Another way to fill your account is by understanding the individual, to know what people need and want.”
“I see. And what exactly is this Emotional Bank Account again?” I asked.
“It’s the amount of trust you build up with people,” said Iman. “It gauges how dependable they find you.”
“How else do you build it up?”
“Keeping your commitments is a big one,” Yewell said.
“When you make a promise, keep it. Remember how important words are to people? Keeping your word is vitally important.”
“Especially when someone expects something from you,” added Iman. “Communication is essential. You can add a lot to your Account just by clarifying what people expect from you and what you expect from them.”
“So what do you expect from me?” I asked.
“We expect you to keep doing what you’re doing,” said Iman. “You set out to write the world. Have integrity and do that.”
“Everything we’ve taught you so far is based on the wisdom of the ages,” added Yewell. “As they say, there’s nothing new under the sun. However, sometimes the things that are right in front of you in plain sight get overlooked. We just want you to make them visible again.”
“And keep making us laugh in the process,” said Iman.
“We’re going to be showing you how interdependence really works,” Yewell explained. “All you have to do is try to keep up and keep on writing it down.”
“What if I don’t get it right?” I asked.
“Then apologize sincerely and keep moving on,” assured Iman. “All you can do is your best. When you’re living interdependently and you build up your Emotional Bank Account by living with personal integrity, things have a way of working out.”
“First thing to realize,” Yewell added, “is that with interdependent living, everybody wins.”
